Microsoft, Make it Wild. I need it in the *

Dear Microsoft,

I've been using outlook for 20 years

20 years.

20 years is a long time. It’s as if our kid went to college and we still haven’t gotten divorced. So that has to count for something, right? I mean I sold off my Apple stock in the late 90s for you. It’s been 20 years. And you tried to shove a Zune down my throat one time when I was drunk.

So I’d like to ask. Can I please use a wildcard in my Outlook filters? I know I’m stubborn. I know you are always trying to get me to try new things to “spice it up” a bit. And I’m not great about them. I won’t use Drive. Or your phones. Office365. Zune. I don’t know. You have gotten into some weird shit in the past, and it just isn’t what I signed up for. So I’ll just say it. I just need some *. I need it hard and deep. I mean 100 different per-determined options would be great if you took the time to figure out my use case… But sometimes * is the only thing that works.

And I’ve been super supportive of your foray into video games. I’ve had several of the XBOXs. Sure, you and your Microsoft Points creep me out. But I’ve let you link my accounts together. I even let you run that half baked spyware “Xbox App” on my PC. It’s running as we speak. I did that for you. For us.

But mostly. I stopped buying Macintosh computers. I mean you can’t just wave that away. I don’t own mac font files anymore. I doubt I could even convert one to .ttf if I wanted. When we met I was a print designer. PRINT. I would send files to printers and they would say “Oh. Are these files from a PC?” as if I had literally shit into a cardbox box and sent that as a proof. “We aren’t set up to print PC files”.

Giving up a Mac for a PC was unthinkable. But I understood that this wasn’t just about what I wanted. It was about what was the smart thing to do. It was about growing up. These were adult decisions. I mean, even Adobe stopped developing native to Macs. So it was time for PSTs, you know? And so what if I keep my trash bin in the lower right corner. We all know you stole their OS anyway. So who cares where I move my icons. You don’t get to be jealous. You won me, you piece of shit.

I’ve given a lot over the years. I’ve stood up for you. I’ve been shamed. WE’VE been shamed. I deserve something more in return. I deserve mail filters that allow wildcards. I deserve mail filters that can search an entire header properly. and let me know in advance whether the search is case sensitive or not.

I’ve been looking at this fucking horrible “Recycle Bin” pun for 20 fucking years ok? Twenty. Fucking. Years. And when I look for help, you still send me to “community forums” so some overeas tech guys can fight to see who can spam me a half assed reply first.

So just give me this ok? ( )*( ). I need it.

-Sent from my iPhone

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